At Kalm Wellness, healing is a journey of self-discovery that involves uncovering the symptoms you want to change and the hidden reasons you might be holding onto them. This is where the concept of secondary gains comes in.
Recognising these unconscious patterns can be the key to lasting transformation, whether engaging in Kalm Therapy, Toronto wellness counselling, or mindful wellness psychotherapy. As a health and wellness coach, we also provide health and wellness tips to support your ongoing growth.
What Are Secondary Gains?
Secondary gains are the subtle, often unconscious benefits of maintaining a problem, even one that causes distress. You might genuinely want to overcome anxiety, depression, chronic pain, or self-sabotaging habits, but part of you resists change because, in some way, the struggle serves you.
Examples of Secondary Gains:
Avoidance: Anxiety might help you dodge social situations that feel intimidating.
Attention & Care: Chronic pain or illness could bring loved ones closer, offering emotional support, which is often addressed in family counseling services.
Lowered Expectations: Procrastination or self-doubt might shield you from the pressure of success.
Identity Reinforcement: If you’ve long seen yourself as “the worrier” or “the burned-out one,” letting go of that role can feel like losing a part of yourself.
These hidden rewards complicate change, even when you consciously want to heal.
How Secondary Gains Show Up in Therapy
At Kalm Counselling and Kefi Wellness Centre, our wellness therapists often guide clients in uncovering these patterns. Some common ways secondary gains manifest:
1. Protection from Fear or Discomfort
Your mind may prefer the “devil you know” over the uncertainty of change. For example:
Fear of failure → Self-sabotage feels safer than trying and falling short.
Fear of vulnerability → Staying closed off protects you from potential hurt.
2. Maintaining Relationships
If your struggles elicit care from others, recovery might mean losing that support system. This is common in:
- Chronic illness dynamics
- Codependent relationships
- Family roles (e.g., being “the sensitive one”)
3. Avoiding Responsibility
Sometimes, a symptom like fatigue, stress, or indecision becomes a way to avoid obligations without guilt.
4. Self-Preservation
If past trauma or burnout taught you that pushing too hard leads to collapse, your mind might resist productivity or success as a protective measure.
How to Work Through Secondary Gains in Therapy
At Kalm Wellness Clinic, we use evidence-based approaches like MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and IFS (Internal Family Systems) to help clients explore and release these hidden blocks.
Step 1: Increase Self-Awareness
Ask yourself:
- What would I lose if this problem disappeared?
- How does this behaviour protect me?
Journaling and mindfulness exercises can help uncover unconscious motivations.
Step 2: Reframe the Gain with Compassion
Instead of judging yourself, recognise that these patterns developed for a reason. Therapy at Kalm Therapeutic helps you acknowledge these protective mechanisms while finding healthier alternatives.
Step 3: Develop New Coping Strategies
If avoidance or dependency has been serving you, a health and wellness coach or wellness therapist can help you build:
- Emotional regulation skills
- Healthier boundaries
- Self-trust and resilience
Step 4: Gradual Exposure to Change
Fear of losing secondary gains can be worse than the reality. In Toronto wellness counselling, we support you in taking small, manageable steps toward change.
Why Addressing Secondary Gains Leads to Deeper Healing
Traditional therapy often focuses on symptom relief, but at Kalm Wellbeing, we believe in exploring the root causes, including the hidden payoffs that keep people stuck.
Integrative Approaches We Use:
MBCT & ACT help you observe thoughts without judgment and align actions with values.
IFS (Internal Family Systems):
Uncovers the “parts” of you that resist change and helps them feel heard.
Mindful Wellness Psychotherapy:
Combines talk therapy with mindfulness for deeper self-awareness.
By understanding and honouring these unconscious motivations, you can make lasting changes not just on the surface, but at the core of who you are.
Final Thought: Healing Is About Wholeness, Not Just Fixing
If you’ve ever felt stuck despite wanting to change, secondary gains might be at play. The good news? Once you bring them into awareness, you can start making choices that truly serve your well-being.
📞 Ready to explore what’s beneath the surface? Contact Kalm Wellness today for expert family counseling services, counseling and psychological services, and ongoing health and wellness tips to begin your journey.
